fine line between friendliness and caution

Two weeks ago, SJ started going to his basketball practices. On the first day of practice, I wrote him a note so that he could ride the bus from the middle school to the high school. I told him repeatedly that is where he was to go, since that is what the schedule indicated.


Around 3:30, I decided to verify pick up time from Topher's mom. She said she thought it was 6:00. I thought that was odd, since Open Gym had been ending at 4:45. She indicated that the 8th graders had practice starting at 4:45. She said she would text her son and then get back to me.  Instead of hearing from her, I received a text from Topher. He told me that I had to get SJ at the one elementary schools. Now, I was very confused. Why was he at South when he should have been at the high school? He sent me an additional text saying that SJ was at South because he took the wrong bus and then got driven to South by high school students. What?!?


I was in full-blown panic mode now. I asked Topher where he was. He replied that he was at home. He said he tried to stop SJ from getting on the bus to the high school and let him know he should be taking his regular bus home. He apologized saying that the bus driver wouldn't let Topher get out of line to tell SJ.


Next, I called my husband to see what the heck was going on. He told me to calm down. He said SJ had called and told him he was getting a ride, but he assumed that was with parents. He said he was in the office at South and that he was leaving work to pick him up. I texted SJ to see if he was still in the office at South. He replied that he was with the secretary. He said he took the wrong bus.  I told him that my husband was coming for him. I asked him who drove him to South. He simply texted, "Some high school kids. I thought practice was at South." I questioned who the kids were. I thought maybe he perhaps knew them. "Just two nice senior high kids," he texted back.


Almost immediately after I received that reply from SJ, I got a missed call from Mr. Hooper, the coach. I called him back and he was very upset (rightly so) with SJ. He said he didn't know why he went to the high school. I confessed that it was probably my fault, since I told him repeatedly to go there. Then, Mr. Hooper apologized because he hadn't given me the most recent schedule. He was also concerned that SJ would have gotten in a car with strangers (he didn't know them) and asked for a ride. He told me he found out from the Athletic Director that SJ was at South. He said SJ had yelled at the AD for changing the schedule. I told him we would have a lot to talk to SJ about that evening.


I then sent the AD an email to apologize for SJ's behavior. I explained that SJ was on the Spectrum (I wasn't sure if he knew that fact) and a change in schedule will really throw him off. He was very kind in his response stating that he was just trying to calm SJ down. He was understanding and patient with the situation, which I was extremely thankful for.


I called my husband to see if he had retrieved SJ yet. He said he had. He had asked him about the ride to South and asked why he would have asked those unknown kids for a ride. SJ said, "Well, they didn't look like bullies and they had an extra seat in their car." My husband explained to him that he shouldn't get into cars with kids he doesn't know (even if they have an extra seat). He told him he should have stayed at the high school until his practice began. Hopefully, he was really listening to my husband.


Everything was fine this time, but that situation could have ended much differently. Thank goodness those high school boys were good people and took him to South. They could have dropped him off anywhere or done something so much worse if they were different people. We spend so much time encouraging SJ to be social and talk to people. We have to instill in him that not everyone is a nice person and to be friendly but cautious.

there is no crying in basketball...

When I returned home from work on Tuesday, the boys were outside playing basketball. This actually made me very happy. Bob sometimes has to beg SJ to play with him and it is usually soccer (Bob's favorite, not SJ's). They continued to play for another 15 minutes after I got home. When they came in for dinner, SJ was crying. I asked him what happened. I thought that he and Bob got into an argument (normal brother stuff). However, he was upset about basketball.


Apparently, he had wanted to sign up for basketball, but never told either my husband or myself about it. He was crying so hard. He was almost inconsolable. It took me more than 10 minutes to get the whole story from SJ. From what I gathered, there was Open Gym that day after school for those interested in basketball. He was to sign up a few weeks earlier, but he forgot to bring the forms home. He didn't go to Open Gym, because I didn't give him a permission slip (can't give a slip for something that you know nothing about).


I told him I would investigate this basketball situation later. My husband was out of town, I had a bad day at work and I had received not so great news about my dad's illness. The basketball situation was not high on my priority list.  After I ate dinner, I called my friend whose son plays basketball. She gave me some information, but I needed to talk to someone at the school. Problem was the school was closed until tomorrow morning.


First thing the next morning, I called his middle school and talked to the receptionist. She said sign ups were a few weeks earlier, but she wasn't sure if it was still too late to sign up. She gave me a name of the teacher in charge of the basketball program. I sent him an email explaining the situation. He got back to me right away. He said that they would love to him. He reminded me that he would need to get a school physical to play hoops and gave me the name of the 8th grade coach. He suggested that I email him and the school nurse.


I called the school nurse to ask about the forms. She said she would find SJ and have him bring them home. After I was done speaking to her, I emailed the 8th grade coach, Mr. Hooper. He emailed me back saying to get the forms from the nurse. He also added that he would love to have him on the team.  I asked him if he could attend the next Open Gym without the physical. He said he is welcome to attend the Open Gym sessions without the forms. He just needs them for the first day of practice. He reminded me that there would be two more Open Gym sessions. I thanked him and called my husband to give him the good news.


Yesterday after school, he stayed for the Open Gym session. I had Topher's mom ride him home, because I knew I would not make it. He seemed very happy when I got home. I asked him how practice went. He said, "Fun, but sweaty. I will need to take a water bottle to practice." That was a good sign. He is thinking ahead.


That night, Mr. Hooper sent me an email to see how SJ liked practice. That was so nice and thoughtful of him. I asked him how he did. He said he did well for not playing before. He also told me that the other kids did an excellent job making him feel welcome. "So glad to hear," I responded.


Before I went to bed, I went to talk to SJ for a few minutes. I reminded him that he is just to have fun and not to take it too serious. I also told him, "Remember, there is no crying in basketball." He said, "I know, Mom." Hopefully, he is matured enough now that he will adhere to that when he gets frustrated. Always hoping for that.

8th grade tutoring #6

This past Monday, SJ once again had his after school tutoring with Mrs. Banks. They started a new book. It was Toilet Paper Tigers by Gordon Korman.

Mrs. Banks said he did a good job, but he was very distracted by his cell phone. At one point, she had to take his cell phone away from him. I told her that was fine with me. "Take his phone anytime," I told her. She replied with a simple, "Lol. I will."

After she had the phone, she said he was much more focused. She told me that he seemed to like the book. It has a lot of humor and baseball terminology. It also is filled with literal meanings that he has to figure out. She said this book is much more complicated that the last novel.

Besides the phone distraction, I was glad to hear that he was able to pay attention and work on some more challenging skills. Maybe we need a cell phone jail for tutoring sessions. Just a thought.

trick or treat 2015

Last Saturday was Halloween. Even though the boys are teenagers, I still encourage them to go trick or treating. SJ wore his Johnny Cage costume (of course) and Bob decided to wear his horse head mask (don't ask...I don't get it). Bob had a soccer friend, Fisher, come over a couple of hours before trick or treating started. I asked Bob and SJ if they would like him to join them. They wanted him to stay, so I had him ask his mom if it was ok. She was fine with it, but he didn't have a costume. Fortunately, he was in his soccer clothes, so he was already kind of in a costume.


Bob's friend Dickie was coming up to our neighborhood to join the three boys. They started out in our neighborhood, which is fairly small. When they were done, I had my husband drive them over to another small neighborhood that is near ours. Dickie had to go home after that, since his dad was having a Halloween party at his house.


After they dropped off Dickie, they returned to our house to get Fisher's stuff. When they got to Fisher's neighborhood, the three boys decided to trick or treat for the third time in Fisher's neighborhood (yet another small neighborhood). When they returned home with my husband, they both had quite a haul. SJ doesn't eat chocolate, so he was willing to give Bob all of his Reese's cups.


We were invited to a bonfire, but both boys were too tired (and probably too sick from all the candy) to go. We stayed at home and watched old monster movies. What a great way to end Halloween night!


Before I sign off, we were also ding, dong, ditched by some of the neighbor kids. Fortunately, they only rang the bell and ran. The next day, we saw that they actually left us a bag of candy. That was the nicest ding, dong, ditch that I ever saw. Happy Halloween all!

Halloween Dance 2015

Two Fridays ago, SJ went to the Middle School Halloween Dance. It was optional to go in costume, but I was informed that most of the students would be in costume. That was a relief, since I knew SJ would definitely want to be in costume.












He was going as Johnny Cage from the Mortal Kombat video games. This is a pic I found of the character.

                                           

He had my husband take him to Wal-mart to look for costume pieces. He ended up with a gray hoodie (which we had to cut off the arms) and gray sweatpants. He paired those pieces with sunglasses, his weight lifting gloves and a t-shirt. He was not an exact copy, but it was close enough for a Halloween costume.

We talked to SJ about "dance behavior". We also tried to give some advice about talking to/dancing with girls (always what a teenager wants to hear from his "old" parents). He was ready to go, so we dropped him off at the Middle School. My husband and I only had a few hopes for the evening.

1. He would have fun.

2. He wouldn't be crying when we picked him up.

3. He would ask a girl to dance or at least talk to a girl.

4. If the girl declined his invitation, he wouldn't be too upset over it.

We went to a local restaurant with our friends (whose kids were also at the dance) and had good food and great conversation. We stayed at the restaurant so long that we almost closed the place. After we left, we got into the very long line of parents waiting to pick up their kiddos. I saw SJ from a distance and he seemed happy (yeah!).

When he got in our car, he was answering all (too many for SJ's liking) of my questions. Yes, he asked a girl to dance. No, she didn't dance with him. Yes, they had snacks. No, he didn't have any since "we" forgot to give him money (he didn't tell us he needed any).

He did tell us that he spoke to one girl in particular at the end of the evening. He said she told him she liked his costume and they had some small talk. He seemed pleased that they had this nice little conversation. He then told us that he would really like to hold a girl's hand sometime. Awww, my heart started to melt when I heard that. Soon enough my son, soon enough.

8th grade tutoring #4 and #5

I am going to begin this entry with an apology. Sorry it has been almost one month since my last post.  It is not as if I had nothing to post, but life was just getting in the way. Moving on...






SJ had his weekly reading tutoring session with Mrs. Banks. She said he did really well at that session. She told me that they are almost finished with the book and would most likely finish it at their next session.




She said that she selected a book that was going to have harder skills to challenge SJ. I was happy to hear that. She does a great job selecting books that are just above his ability level and they are always entertaining to SJ. He doesn't complain too much if the book is enjoyable.




At the next session, they finished the book. She left a comprehension packet for me to look over. She said he began the session well, but he kept getting off topic. She told me that he wasn't really interested in discussing the book. Instead, he wanted to tell her about YouTube videos (SJ's favorite thing to talk about.) She wasn't really complaining about the video discussion, but she wanted me to know that he was a little difficult to keep focused. She reminded me that they would be starting a new book at their next session.