trouble at lunch

Last week, the lunch monitor at SJ's school told me that SJ was having a hard time at lunch. I asked her what was going on. She told me that he was saying mean things to the girls that sit near him. He was also holding up his lunch box in front of his face, so that he wouldn't have to see the girls. I asked her why he was sitting next to a girl anyway. I thought he sat next to a boy.

Apparently, they were sitting boy-girl-boy-girl. I asked her if he could sit next to a boy, but she said it wasn't her decision. (I am sure there was a good reason for that decision.) I told her that I would talk to him and inform him of a consequence if I heard of this behavior again.

I don't know why SJ doesn't like girls. He is at the age now where he should be starting to show a beginning interest in girls romantically. He is somewhat behind developmentally, but the described behavior seems too developmentally behind. I asked him what was going on at lunch. "I hate sitting next to girls," he whined. "Why?" I asked him. "Their voices sound like dying cows," he responded. "What?!? Dying cows! That is mean, SJ. Mommy is a girl and my voice doesn't sound like that," I told him. "You don't count, Mom. You're an old girl," said SJ. Old girl, indeed!

I told him that his behavior towards the girls is inappropriate and unacceptable. I told him he was being mean and hurting the girls' feelings. I asked, "Would you like it if the girls said you sounded like a dying cow?" He didn't respond. "I don't want people hurting your feelings and I don't want you to hurt other people's feelings, especially the girls," I told him. "If the lunch monitor tells me you are being mean again, I will take you IPod for the night."

The next day I told the lunch monitor what his consequence would be if he misbehaved again. When I saw her at the end of the day, I asked her how his behavior was at lunch. "Much better since they are now not sitting boy-girl-boy-girl,” she said. "Well, if he starts misbehaving again, remind him that he will lose the IPod," I asked her. I am relieved that he can now sit next to a boy, but I am hopeful that he will remember his consequence for being mean.