to be tutored or not? that is the big question!

Last week, SJ was once again very upset at the end of the day.  I could hear him crying and I was already dreading walking into the office.  I never know what could have set him off.  It could be a bad test score, not being first in line or Bob bossing him.  On that day, it was a bad test score (an especially bad score to boot.)  He had taken his first comprehension test in Reading and received an F.  An F! 

I tried to calm him down, but he was too upset to be talked down.  He kept saying that he was going to be held back and he didn't want to do 5th grade again.  I reassured him that he wouldn't have to do 5th grade again and we would help him with his reading.  He was not listening to me, so I let him cry it out. Also, I was watching the neighbor kids after school, so I told SJ to go relax in his room.  It took him about 45 minutes to stop crying.  When he finally emerged from his room, I told him we would have to read his story more.  I told him that we would have to practice his reading with him every night. 

I sent his reading teacher an email to see why he bombed his test.  I asked her if he was able to use his book (he said he wasn't allowed to) and if he would be able to read the story aloud to his aide.  I thought these two techniques may help future testing.  His teacher got back me and told me the students are allowed to use their books.  (Hmm...why did SJ lie about that?)  She also said it would fine to have him read his story aloud to his aide.  I was relieved that she is willing to work with SJ. 

I talked with his aide as well.  She said she would definitely be willing to have him read to her.  At least then we will be sure he has actually read the story.  I told her we would read it at home too.  I took a deep breath and hoped our extra efforts will make a difference. 

Two days later, SJ was crying in the office again.  Oh no, not again!  I knew he wasn't due for his comprehension test, so what could be wrong this time.  I walked into the office and he was holding a paper.  I looked at it and saw that he was recommended for tutoring again.  He had been recommended for tutoring last year, but we opted not to send him.  It is right after school and it takes so much effort to just get him through the regular day.  He just can't bear to spend any more time in school than is necessary. 

So, we didn't send him last year.  We probably should have.  We definitely should have, but we didn't.  Now, I am beating myself up.  I see that the tutoring is on Tuesday nights.  If you have been reading my blog, you know that SJ has speech therapy on Tuesday nights.  I looked at SJ and said, "Well, we have speech on Tuesdays, so you can't go to tutoring."  He seemed to calm down fairly quickly after that. 

I texted my husband when I got home and told him about the tutoring.  He texted back that maybe we should skip speech and do the tutoring.  I called him back, since this conversation would have made my thumbs hurt from too much texting.  He felt strongly that we should send him for the tutoring.  I told him it would be difficult to switch the speech days, but he said the tutoring seems to be more critical now.  (He would still be getting speech at school, but he would be losing the additional after school speech.)  My husband had a valid argument, but I just didn't want to believe he was struggling as much as he is.  (My husband is right, though!) 

I told him we would talk to SJ about it, but I knew there was going to be a lot of tears and complaints.  The first time I brought it up he got so upset that he almost threw up.  I told my husband maybe there could be another solution.  I looked up local tutoring centers, but the fees were outrageous.  I decided to call the teacher in charge of the tutoring program.  I thought maybe she would know of a teacher who would be willing to tutor SJ in our home. 

She got back to me a few days later.  I told her that SJ definitely needs the tutoring, but staying after school may be too much for him.  She agreed that it would be tough for him.  I told her that I had looked into tutoring centers and was curious if she knew of any teachers available for in-home tutoring.  She said the school district had a list, but she also did the in-home tutoring. 

I was elated!  I asked her if she could tutor him.  He already knows her and she is very familiar with our school’s curriculum.  She said she was available on Mondays and I said that would be perfect.  It didn't interfere with Bob's soccer or SJ's speech appointments.  So, we agreed to begin the tutoring in two weeks. 

I called my husband and told him the good news.  He said he would tell SJ about the in-home tutoring.  He said SJ took it well and didn't complain.  Whew!  I can't tell you how stressed I have been about finding a solution to this problem.  I was beating myself up thinking we should have sent SJ for tutoring over the summer.  Oh well, I can't turn back time.  Hopefully with our extra help and the in-home tutoring, we will be seeing less F's and more C's. (I am a realist...a C would be great at this point!)

after school speech part 34

SJ had his weekly speech therapy session on Tuesday.  His therapist went over conversations with SJ.  She gave him a sheet on conversations and explained to him what a conversation is.  She underlined that a conversation is a talk about a topic between two or more people.  She also underlined that you do not interrupt and you take turns.  He then had to read sentences and decide if it is a conversation or not.

For example:  You ask a salesperson in a shoe store to get you shoes in your size.  SJ correctly answered that it was a conversation.  Your teacher tells you your homework assignment.  SJ correctly answered that is was not a conversation.

However, he did have some trouble with a few others.  He got confused on "A stranger sitting next to you on the bus asks you what time it is.”  He answered that it was a conversation, but it is not.  He also had trouble with this one.  "The checker in a grocery store tells you to have a nice day."  He also thought it was a conversation.  We will have to continue to work on this at home.

The therapist also worked on a Problem Solving activity.  She had him read a story and then answer questions.  This was the story.

Max and Frank are twins.  They do almost everything alike.  They look alike, they walk alike, and they even like the same foods.  There is one thing that they do that isn't the same.  Max is a great singer.  Frank, on the other hand, can barely carry a tune.

Frank loves to hear Max sing.  There are times, though, when he gets jealous.  Max is a professional singer.  He has performed with the city symphony.  He has also sung with several bands.  Frank thinks there's nothing special about him.  He thinks Max gets a lot more attention.

Frank likes to think that everything about them should be the same.  He knows, though, that Max will always be known as "the singer".  Luckily, Max does not let all the attention go to his head.  Max is just a regular kid.  No matter how famous he gets, Max knows Frank will always be his twin brother and best friend. 

He then had to answer the questions.  He had some difficulty with these.  What is the main idea of this story?  He thought it was that Frank is a very popular kid, but he should have answered that Max and Frank are twins with a difference.  He also didn't understand how to answer this question.  What does Max think about all the attention he gets?  He told his therapist he didn't know.  His choices were a. He thinks he's very special.  b. He is embarrassed by it.  c. He doesn't let it go to his head.  The answer was "c", but SJ didn't understand the expression "go to his head".  His therapist explained to him that it means they think they are better than you.  She told him to think of famous people who are nice and don't let their talent "go to their head". 

This is something we will have to explain to him.  He doesn't necessarily connect with famous people (or people in general).  He is more connected with cartoon characters.  She assigned us to finish the remainder of the questions for homework.  Hopefully that will go smoother than the first few questions.  

one more day of fun at Kennywood

Last Saturday, we decided to go to Kennywood to use up our extra set of school tickets.  Kennywood was going to be closing after that weekend (it is open for Phantom Fright Nights), so we needed to use our tickets.  It was a beautiful day.  It was a little chilly, but very sunny.  I don't know why I assumed it would not be crowded.  I was so wrong!  As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, I knew my assumption was the wrong one. 

It was so crowded!  There were people everywhere.  SJ does not do well with crowds.  He is so impatient!  Every ride we attempted to approach was received with lots of complaining.  "No, let's find a ride with a shorter line," SJ kept saying.  So that meant we didn't ride the Kangaroo, Paratroopers or Jack Rabbit. 

We made the boys get in line for the Racers (a coaster with two trains going simultaneously).  They were complaining so much, but we were riding something.  We waited in line for almost 45 minutes.  The kids moaning about the wait was wearing on my husband and my nerves.  After we rode the Racers, we tried to find another ride with a somewhat "short" line. 

We were not successful.  There is a new ride at Kennywood called the Black Widow.  I knew the boys wouldn't want to ride it, but I had to ride it.  I stood in line for 90 minutes.  While I was waiting, the boys and my husband went to get something to eat.  Their moods were much better after they ate something. 

When I finally got off the ride, we decided to ride the swings.  SJ was acting a little weird in line (nothing out of the ordinary for SJ) and I noticed a teenage girl staring at him.  I didn't say anything.  I can't stop people from staring.  Then, she said something unkind about him to her friend.  That was it!  I looked at her and said, "He is not bothering you.  Stop saying things about him."  She just looked at me in disbelief.  Too bad!  I hope that girl is lucky and has typical children.  Some of us aren't that lucky.

I was so upset over that girl that it almost ruined my mood.  We got on the ride and I tried to forget about her and her comments.  We got off the ride and decided to play some games.  Both boys won a prize for less than $20 (not too bad for an amusement park).  We then rode the Auto Bahn.  SJ was having a lot of trouble behaving in line.  He tends to crowd people, so he kept bumping into the guy in front of us.  The man was very nice about it, but since SJ wasn't listening I had to give him a consequence.  He lost his IPod for the remainder of the day. 

My husband wanted to ride the Thunderbolt, but Bob is not one for coasters.  I took Bob for ice cream and they went to stand in line to ride the coaster.  The line wasn't too long (30 minutes), so Bob and I waited for them at the exit.  They had a great time, so we decided to call it a day after that.  The lines weren't getting any shorter and we wanted to end the day on a good note. 

Even though we didn't get to ride too many rides (maybe 5), we still got to use our tickets and tried to have a nice family day.  (Sometimes, the boys try so hard to not have a good time.  It can be very frustrating!)  I will always take a few memorable moments than to not try to have any at all!

sj's very, very bad day!

On Thursday, SJ had a bad day.  Not just a bad day, but a very, very bad day!  We got to school at our normal time.  SJ's teacher, Mrs. Valentine, allows him to come to her room at 8:30 each morning.  The extra five minutes he gets gives him some time to unpack and begin morning work.

At 8:30, I told him it was time to go.  He started to walk down the hall when he realized that he didn't have his binder.  I said, "You probably left it in the car.  Go out and get it."  He walked out to my car, I unlocked it and I watched from the window. 

The car door closed and he didn't have his binder.  Oh no! I thought.  He must have left it at home.  I could see the tears rolling down his face.  I knew this would through off his whole day.  The binders have all their workbooks, homework and folders in them. 

"It is not in the car," he said almost inaudibly.  "Okay.  I will go home and get it," I assured him.  I left the school and drove the three miles home.  When I got home, I opened the garage door and saw it sitting right by the shoe rack.  I grabbed it and drove the three miles back to school. 

I ran down to his room and told Mrs. Valentine that I had his binder.  He was sobbing uncontrollably.  "It is your fault that I forgot it," he said.  Mrs. Valentine said quite clearly, "SJ, we talked about this.  It is not your mom's fault.  It is your responsibility to remember your binder."  She thanked me and I told her that I was sorry.  I know how much something like this can ruin his day.

That is the thing that I hate about PDD.  What may upset a typical child will completely devastate a child on the spectrum.  I sent his teacher an email and she told me she had talked again with SJ about his responsibilities.  She also said that he did eventually calm down.  Thank goodness.  I was stressed about his mental state all morning. 

At the end of the day, his teacher stopped me in the hall.  She wanted to give me a heads up about a bad test score that he received from his reading teacher, Mrs. Dudley.  He had scored an F!  He got 7/20 and I believe that is the worst grade he has ever gotten.  SJ was so upset about the grade that he left his backpack and lunchbox in the room.  One of the classmates gave it to me and I thanked Mrs. Valentine for the warning.  "I guess he will be crying when I get to the office," I said.  "Sorry to be the bearer of bad news," she said.

If I didn't have to get my neighbor kids off the bus, I would have procrastinated on my way to the office.  That wasn't an option on that day.  When I got near the office, I could hear him crying and I heard his aide talking to him.  She was being so calming and reassuring to him.  It was lovely to hear.  When I walked into the office, he was tear stained and visibly upset.  "I got an F, Mom.  I am going to be held back," he cried.  "No, you are not.  It is just one bad test score," I tried to reassure him.  I told him and Bob to go to our car and I spoke briefly with his aide.

She told me that he admitted that he hadn't even read the passage.  Well, how are you going to answer any questions correctly if you don't read the passage?  She suggested that on test days that she could take him out to the 5th grade pod and have him read the passages aloud to her.  At least we will know that he read them.  I told her that was a great idea and I would check with the teacher.  I also thanked her for trying to calm him down.

When I got to the car, SJ was still crying.  He kept saying he was going to be held back.  "I don't want to do 5th grade another year," he repeated.  I told him, "SJ, you are not going to be held back.  It is only one test.  You missed a lot of questions, because you didn't read the story.  Daddy and I will have you read your weekly story to us each night.  We will also go over your vocabulary words, so you won't be confused by them."

He cried all the way home.  He didn't want the neighbor kids to come down, but it was one of my days to watch them.  I told him he could go in his room and shut his door.  "I want to talk to Daddy," SJ said.  "That is fine.  We can call him on the phone," I told him.  So, I dialed my husband's number and put SJ on the phone. 

He told him all about the binder, the test score and the neighbor kids coming to our house.  Then, he handed me the phone.  I told my husband what happened and that I would be contacting Mrs. Dudley for some accommodations for SJ. 

Again, this is something you don't usually have to deal with when your child is typical.  We never have these issues with Bob.  So on this day, I hate PDD.  I feel it cripples my very bright child.  I wish it would go away, but I know that is not realistic.  Wouldn't it be great if it could though?

after school speech part 33

On Tuesday, SJ had his weekly speech therapy session.  The therapist started the session with a comprehension activity.  She had SJ read aloud the following story.

Maggie needs to write a report on Antarctica.  It is for a group project.  She promised her team she would have it done tomorrow morning.  It just turned eight o'clock and she is only getting started.  Maggie's bedtime is nine o'clock.  She knows it will take at least two hours to do her report.  She is also very tired and can hardly keep her eyes open.  

She planned to write her report right after school.  When she walked in the door, though, the phone rang.  Her friend Sheena was calling.  She invited Maggie out for pizza.  Maggie's mom said she could go.  Maggie had not told her mom about the report.  Maggie told her mom that she didn't have any homework.  Now she knows she probably won't get the report done tonight.  Her team will not get the project finished on time. 

Then, SJ had to answer questions on Main Ideas, Details and Problem Solving.  SJ missed the first question. 

1. What is the main idea of this story?
 a. Maggie writes a report on Antarctica
 b. Maggie goes out with a friend instead of studying.

SJ chose B when he should have chosen A.  He did get the next two questions correct.  When he got to the questions on Problem Solving, he amazingly got all the questions correct.  Way to go SJ! 

The therapist then started to work on his tone of voice.  Sometimes children on the spectrum can sound monosyllabic (or robotic).  She was demonstrating to him how a different tone of voice can change the meaning of the same sentence.  She said he had some trouble with this.  She said she would continue to work on that skill, as we will at home too.

Last, she wanted to focus on Topic Maintenance.  She showed SJ the following diagram.

 

She told him they were going to talk about vacations (the topic).  He could tell her a few things about his vacation, but then he would have to ask her some questions about the topic.  If he strayed from the topic, she would point to the lower symbol.  When he got back to the topic, she pointed to the top symbol.  This is a great visual for him.  When he is not repeating and actually talking to you, he inadvertently has the conversation being one sided.  (And you know who is doing all of the talking.)  This is a great reminder that he is talking to someone else and not to get sidetracked off of the subject. 

She also assigned us a homework sheet on Figurative Language.  I haven't gotten to that yet.  That is scheduled for Sunday afternoon.  I decided that I would save the speech homework for the weekend, since his teachers rarely give homework on Fridays. 

after school speech part 32

Well, we are back to after school speech.  There were scheduling issues at the therapy center, so we are now going to after school speech on Tuesdays.  We also were not able to keep our regular speech therapist, so SJ was going to be starting with another speech therapist. 

We had our first session with the new therapist this past Tuesday.  She seemed very nice and very competent.  I told her that SJ may be a little crabby with her, but not to take it personally.  When she finished his session, she told me that he worked well with her.  She said she had to redirect him a few times, but otherwise he worked hard.

She worked on small stories that had where and why questions.  She had him read the story out loud and then answer the question.  For example: 

Man Caught at Market

      Police caught a man sneaking around Vic's Market at 3:00 a.m.  He was caught next to the canned peas.  He had a bag full of groceries. 
      Police asked him what he was doing.  He said, "I'm shopping.  Isn't this a 24-hour market?"

WHERE was the man caught?

SJ had to answer that the man was caught at Vic's Market.  The therapist said he was able to answer all the questions for the stories.  That was great.  His summer therapist had worked on these early in the summer, so I wasn't surprised that he did well on this exercise.  Any help and practice that SJ can get with comprehension is always welcome. 




last day of summer (sorta)

On Labor Day, it was the last day that our pool was open.  I knew SJ was going to want to go, but the forecast was calling for rain.  My neighbor called to see if Bob wanted to go biking on the trail and he wanted to go.  I told her that my husband, SJ and I would probably go to the pool.  She said she would keep Bob at her house if we got home after them.  I told her thanks and started to get ready for the pool. 

I sent out a text to our pool friends to see if any of them would be there.  Our one friend was at her lake house, one responded that they weren't going and the last friend said they were going to the river instead.  They then invited us to join them at the river. 

I knew my husband would rather go to the river, but it was the last day that the pool was open.  My husband said we should ask SJ to choose between the pool and the river.  I assumed SJ would opt to go to the pool, but to my surprise he chose the river.  (He does love tubing!)  I texted back our friends and told them we would love to join them.

I texted my neighbor to let her know we were going to the river.  She said fine and we headed down to join our friends.  (Bob is not a huge fan of tubing, so he wouldn't be too upset that he missed it.)  SJ jumped into the river as soon as we made it down to the dock.  (Boy oh boy, that kid LOVES the water!)  After a short time, my husband and the other dad took the kids out on the boat for tubing.  I stayed at the dock with my friend. 

While the guys and kids were out tubing, our other friend arrived with her two kids and we waited for the boat to return.  After they got back from tubing, we hung out at the dock for another hour.  The kids were diving off the dock and playing in the water. 

So we may have missed the last day at the pool, we still had a great way to end the summer.  A day of tubing at the river with friends was just as memorable as a last swim in the pool!

music class problems

Things were going very well the first few days of school.  That was until SJ had music class.  I was wondering how he was going to behave in this class (we have had problems with music class for years).  When I was done loading the children that I am in charge of onto their buses, I saw Mr. Clef coming my way.  He had a familiar look on his face (I have seen this face more times than I would like to) and I knew SJ didn't do well in his class.

"Oh no.  What happened?" I questioned Mr. Clef.  "I don't know.  SJ had a huge meltdown and cried for over 15 minutes," he told me.  "Did you sit him next to a girl?" I asked him.  This is usually the source for his meltdowns.  He "hates" girls and doesn't like to be near them.  Obviously, he doesn't actually hate girls, but he doesn't want to sit near them.  (I will have to remind him about this when the time comes that he is really interested in girls.) 

"No, I was really careful not to put a girl next to him," he said.  "I don't know why he would be so upset then," I said.  "I sat them alphabetically by first name.  He was in the back because he is an S.  He said he didn't want to be in the back," he explained.  "Okay, I will talk to him.  Hopefully, he will be better for you next week," I said. 

When I got to the office, he was still crying.  "What is the problem?" I asked SJ.  "I am changing my name to Adam or Chad.  I don't want to sit in the back row in music.  I told Mrs. Valentine to send an email to Mr. Clef and tell him to move my seat to the front," he rambled through his tears.  "What is wrong with sitting in the back?" I asked him.  "I don't want to sit in the back.  I don't want to sit in the back.  I want to sit in the front," he repeated over and over again. 

Bob was trying to calm him down and pointing out why it is good to sit in the back.  "SJ, I wish I was in the back.  When you are in the front, you are so close to the CD player and you really have to sing.  If I was in the back row, I could just lip sync," he said. 

SJ wasn't listening to me or Bob, so I let him cry.  When we got home, I talked to him and told him it would be fine if he was in the back row.  I told him that I would send Mrs. Valentine an email asking her not to send a message to Mr. Clef.  I also made SJ write an apology note to Mr. Clef.    It said:

                          Dear Mr. Clef,
                          I am sorry that I got upset with my assigned seat.  I promise that I will not get upset in your class again.
                          Sincerely,
                          SJ

When we went to school the next day, Mr. Clef came over to talk to SJ.  He said he had received the email from Mrs. Valentine and he would try to correct the seat placement.  Then, he came over to me.  I told him that it was very nice of him to try and accommodate for SJ.  However, I felt that SJ should try to adjust to the back row.  I want him to learn that he can't always get his way.  It is now in Mr. Clef's hands, since it is his classroom.  He has to do what is best for him and his classroom.  I am hoping that SJ will be able to adapt whether he moves his seat or not.  I guess we will find out.



   

1st day of fifth grade

SJ was very stressed out about his first day of fifth grade.  He always is stressed each year.  Transitions are very difficult for him.  This was going to be an even more difficult transition.  He would be switching classes between three different teachers, he had a new aide assisting him and his class size jumped from 20 to 27.  I tried to prep him as best as I could for all the changes he should be expecting.

I was worried about him all day.  Whenever I had a free moment, my mind would wonder to how he was coping with all the changes.  I checked my email to see if Mrs. Valentine sent me a message, but she hadn't.  No news is good news when it comes to SJ. 

When I picked SJ and Bob up at the end of the day, he seemed fine.  He wasn't crying or complaining about his day.  Whew!  That was a relief.  He told me about his special (Art class) and that he was sitting next to a boy that was never in his class before.  "Is he nice?"  I asked.  "Yep," he said.  "What was your favorite part of the day?"  I asked him.  "Recess," he replied.  Typical, I thought.  He told me his only homework was to decorate his creative writing folder.  "That is easy enough," I told him.  "You can use the Mario Brothers duct tape that I bought," I added. 

He told me he was going to save his homework until after dinner and that was fine with me.  He went outside to play with the neighborhood kids.  All those worries for nothing, I should have not wasted so much time worrying.  I can’t help it, though.  I am a worrier.  I am sure we will have a bad day sometime during this week, but I was relieved that it wasn't this day. 

Maybe the transitions are getting easier for him.  I am hoping each day this week goes as smoothly as this day did!