Ok, this is going to be a long one. I apologize in advance. Apparently, there is a Talent Show at Bob and SJ's junior high. SJ just told us about it a couple of weeks ago. He was going to do a puppet show with his one friend, but Bob strongly suggested that would be "way too young" for a seventh grader to do. I was still concerned that SJ was going to do that act. What Bob said must have resonated with SJ, since he is now not doing the puppet show. I thought we were done with this topic after that, but I was wrong.
A week ago, SJ announced to us at dinner that he was going to be singing at the Talent Show. Singing? I think we were all in shock. Yes, we hear SJ sing from time to time in his room, but he has never expressed any interest in singing in public. He had to stay after school last Thursday to tryout. What if he is awful? If he was awful, then the teacher would say something hopefully. I thought maybe he would be cut and that would be the end of it, but I was still wrong.
SJ came home and said the kids told him that he was great. However, the next day, Bob told my husband that a nice, kind friend of his (who was at the audition), said SJ did not do such a great job. Bob was worried that the kids would pick on SJ and additionally pick on him. Then, Bob proceeded to tell my husband that some of the students have been teasing him about SJ. He said that he thinks most of them don't know that SJ has Autism and they just think he is "weird" (this breaks my heart to even type this). He said that SJ walks through the halls and makes weird faces and does some gross behaviors (we were aware that he had been occasionally doing these behaviors) a lot. My husband told Bob he would talk to him about the behaviors, but Bob said he never listens.
Bob then began his campaign to discourage SJ from participating in the Talent Show. Bob was getting very upset just thinking about SJ performing and getting made fun of. He kept telling him that most of the kids who are performing have "actual talents". SJ wasn't listening to Bob at all. Bob then went to my husband and I with his concerns. While I appreciate him thinking of his brother, some of the dialogue he was using was making my role as SJ's mom hard to hear. He was being a frustrated teenager, so I tried to not take it personally (a hard feat). I also felt so bad for Bob. It must be so difficult to have a brother that is different and easily picked on. Bob is very shy and just wants to blend in. Having SJ for a brother makes that very hard for him.
My husband and I talked that evening. I thought maybe we should discourage SJ from doing the show. Bob did have some valid points. Most of the kids performing have been taking lessons for years, such as the dancers and the musical acts. We decided to contact the teacher in charge to see how his performance was. I sent her an email yesterday morning and she called me on her break. She said he wasn't too bad, except that he mumbled during his tryout. She said he wasn't the worse, but no where near the top acts. We had a fairly long discussion about what to do and I also told her what Bob had said about the mean kids. I thought maybe he should not do it and told her to tell him he needs more practice. I also told her to mention that maybe he should wait until next year.
She went to see him during his study hall and he was not happy with anything she said to him. He was still insisting that he was going to perform. She emailed me back to tell me what happened and I promptly called my husband. We were going to discuss it with him at home. I thought SJ would be in a very bad mood at the end of the school day, but he was surprisingly happy. Problem solved? Not even close.
When I talked to him about it that evening, he was still insisting that he was performing. He got visibly upset and said he worked really hard on it. My husband asked him to sing it for us, but he didn't want to. He reminded him that if he can't sing in front of us that it would be very difficult to sing in front of 300 students. He told him if he didn't practice he definitely wouldn't be performing in the Talent Show. SJ then started to practice in his room. An hour later, my husband and I went to listen to his song. Surprisingly, it was a funny parody song. More surprisingly, he wasn't too bad (unless it was just my parenting ears). My husband was almost in tears listening to SJ. Now, what to do?
This morning, I again sent the teacher in charge an email. I told her that maybe he can do it if he practices each night. Bob is not going to like to hear this news. If he is still that upset about it, I will probably let him skip school that day. This is a hard time in both of their lives. That is why I feel that I am in a lose-lose situation. If I make Bob happy and not let him perform, then I may be crushing something in SJ. If I let SJ try to perform (whether the results are good or bad), Bob could potentially be teased and picked on. There is no easy choice here. I will just pray to the teenage gods that SJ will do well enough that the kids enjoy it and they are all kind (to him and Bob). I will be stressed about this until after next Friday. Parenting is hard.
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